Since my last post about Do I really love traveling?, my reflection has gotten a little deeper. :)) That happened after I read The Seven Sisters. One sentence from the novel has stayed with me for weeks. It went something like this:
We don’t actually like a place because of the place itself; we like it because we like the lifestyle we have in that place.
And I thought, that’s so true.
When I reflected on all the places I have lived and all the countries and cities I have traveled to, I realized I didn’t just like those places. I liked the version of myself there.
When I lived in Saigon, I liked the city because it constantly challenged me. It made me run, maximize my youthful energy, and brought out my competitiveness. It kept pushing my boundaries and showing me I could do more.
Now, in Germany, I love this place because I can breathe. I have become more present and have had more time to reflect, understand myself, and make sense of the world around me. And most importantly, it is the place where I see possibilities.
That’s probably why, when our friends tell us they love a particular place, our first reaction is often either:
“Oh yes, that’s such a great place!”
or
“Really? Why do you like it that much?”
Maybe we’re asking the wrong question. Maybe what we should ask is:
“Who were you when you were there?”
When I thought about this, I realized something else. I actually do love traveling. I just don’t like certain versions of myself while traveling. I don’t like the version of myself standing at the airport wondering whether my luggage will be checked because I bought too many local spices.
I also don’t like the version of myself worrying that the airline staff will suddenly tell me my carry-on is too big. And I don’t like the version of myself arriving in a new country and struggling to find my driver.
That version of me feels stressed, agitated, and not very confident.
For a long time, I thought those feelings meant I didn’t like traveling or the destination. Maybe it had nothing to do with the traveling or the destination at all. Maybe I simply didn’t like who I was in that moment.
Some people keep returning to the same place over and over again. I used to wonder why. There are so many places to see in the world. But now I wonder…
How many places make us genuinely like the person we become while we’re there? Free, curious like a child, relaxed, confident, beautiful, present. Maybe that’s what people keep coming back for. And maybe that’s also why my relationship with traveling has changed over the years.
I didn’t stop liking traveling. It’s just that I like my routines better now – waking up, making my cup of coffee, checking emails, answering partners, brainstorming ideas, making food, taking a little walk, and sleeping in my own bed with my beloved pillow and blankets.
Do I feel bored sometimes? Yes, I do.
There are even days when I feel quite negative.
And on those days, I find myself thinking about my past trips and now I know why: because I miss the versions of myself wandering freely through them.
And then, somehow, my mind wandered even further. Maybe that’s also how we choose our life partner. Perhaps we don’t simply fall in love with another person. Maybe we fall in love with the version of ourselves that exists when we’re with them. If we always feel like we have to perform in certain ways, then being with someone around whom we can be silly is one of the best feelings in the world. Or if we’ve spent most of our lives playing it safe, maybe we’re drawn to someone who gently pushes us a little further and a little higher.
The person we become around them feels so right, so novel, that we’re willing to spend the rest of our lives protecting that feeling.
Then I thought about my mother. She spent most of her life with my stepfather, whom I never considered a particularly good husband. For years, I couldn’t understand why she stayed. But maybe… Maybe he made her feel like a version of herself she had never experienced before. Maybe that feeling was exciting, comforting, and maybe it became something she couldn’t imagine living without.
I don’t know. It’s just another thought that crossed my mind…
But seriously… How did one question about traveling end up making me think about love and my mother’s marriage? 😂
Maybe I’ll blame The Seven Sisters for this one!!!